She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just high enough for therapy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
