There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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