I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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