I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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