My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
