Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
