So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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