Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
