it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
