This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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