So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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