I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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