Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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