What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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