Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
