I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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