Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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