dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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