Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
