I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
