sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
