3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
