I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
