She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
