??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
