he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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