My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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