Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I met the friendliest cop last night
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
