i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
