so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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