4 words: hood of his car
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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