This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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