I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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