Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
