I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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