So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
