im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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