Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
