just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
smell my finger.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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