I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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