So drunk its hurt
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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