apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
All the doctor said was why
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
