I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
