I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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