Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
foreskin is a definite game changer
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
