Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
