Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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