What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
