my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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