Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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